Monday

The Boy and the Girl Who Let it Be


A river of tears spilled out of his desk. the others turned and gazed. There was no way to cover up his embarrassment. He tried to stop it, but at last, let it go. Girls and boys alike picked up their feet and let the river run by. Only one girl kept both feet on the floor and let the water wash over them. The other children climbed over desks and chairs to reach the door or the windows. The boy looked over at the girl, who in turn opened her desk and let loose her own river. Their tears flowed into one and filled the room, and ran out the door. The connection had been made.

The two children then ran through the room, opening desks of the ones long gone, filled with nameless tears. The girl walked back to her desk and dipped her hands in. She offered the boy a drink. He drank slowly and sparingly, and when finished, he went over to his desk and came back, hands cupped, with his own share of tears. The girl savored each tender drop, and they fell to the floor and immersed themselves in the river.

The tears dried, and the girl began to speak. The words fell out of her mouth to form meadows and forests and babbling brooks; and flowers of the brightest hues of yellow, orange, and purple. In response, the boy uttered mountains, valleys, rain forests, apple orchards that blossomed in spring and maple trees that turned the colors of fire in Autumn.

All at once, the classroom became overgrown. The walls disintegrated, and sunshine crept in. The desks became trees, and the chalkboards, boulders. The two children laughed as they looked around at what they had created, and they ran into the woods, leaving old memories of walled rooms and lives to fade away into distant rays of sun that bounced back and forth between the trees and touched every dark corner of the forest. At last, freedom was theirs, as they joined together and united with the sun.

- May 7, 1984, A.D.

Dream


The vision:
a dream of isolation
without fear
ice

the rider dies of cold
but the horse continues on
I am the horse

I walk
and there are ice formations
in the snow

I meet a friend
and flowers -
the most beautiful, colorful flowers-
rise up before our eyes

into the house
they grow

outside the front window
no children play
all are gone
humanity left with no forwarding address
but just a dream

the flowers fade
check in the refrigerator
the light's on
and there's tuna fish in
the burner works
and children ride bikes down the street.

- May 7, 1984, A.D.

Friday

Apology


Dear Dave,

I'm a horrible, stupid person
and I love you.

- Sharon



- April 27, 1984, A.D.

This is My Life


A poem day
a stifling, hot, hateful day
a day for the city to sweat from its own hot air

A journey inward
trying, trying for a good feeling
zombies running in a term paper maze
be exact
do it right
this is your life

sleepless nights 
daytime haze
tomorrow looks gray is today already

stomach hurts
wanting to double over
wanting to forget for just one moment the constricting
walls of this prison

nervous laughter
no real smiles
tears from unknown wells

broken bonds
broken promises
plastic people in pastel cages
this is my life

a whisper from a distant realm of my heart
tells me to find peace

no peace
only aching moments
only tomorrow is tomorrow is another day
but not a new one
trying to see beyond the deadline
to life again
everyone wilts beneath the pressure

not today -
tomorrow, I'll try
only promises to myself

take a bow
for something real
one day off is all I need - 
one night on the town
but no one sees the real thing
their heads are turned down
to the words
the words mean well
but are destroyed

I've come so far so fast
and now, what's this?
it is not yet time to break loose
another week and I'll be complete
holding out and holding on

night and day come as extremes
I wanted summer until it arrived
now, I'd do anything for a cold winter
summer only brings fall
and downfall

I will see it through
I will live again
it will happen, I know

Egypt to Falsetto
Falstaff to Francke
Goethe to Hearst
nothing more in this place
but this is my life
I will see it through

- April 27, 1984, A.D.

Monday

It Still Holds


Another empty day
another lifeless existence
what's one more tear to a face that's seen floods?
what's one more wound to a bleeding, dying soldier?

There is a break in the glass
where the cold air invites itself in
I wait for the blast of wind that'll shatter 
the window

sitting, waiting, 
each blow is stronger
waiting, waiting,
it still holds
that's the worst part
it won't be over with
it still holds

ragged shoes tread
the wet, musty floor
where the rain - the tears - have fallen
too worn to care
what's one more drop of water 
when it's already ruined?

I stand in front of the window
watching, waiting
expecting the next wind to send glass slivers 
into my face and eyes
but it still holds

Out the window, I see a world I once knew,
I once understood
Now, I'm confined to the inner chambers of 
this prison
watching, waiting
living for giving in --
to what?

I don't know, something
I'm looking out the window to another life
waiting, watching 
for the storm to come
what's one more death to a mortal world?

- April 16, 1984, A.D.

Reunited


I stepped out to see the moon tonight
and it stepped out to see me
it had been such
a long, cold winter
but the moon still took audience with me
nothing had changed

I've been listening to the awkward, beautiful tunes
of Autumn, again
I have not lost love

When I stepped out tonight, I knew that the moon had not 
deceived me
not in all this time
no one had deceived me
but myself

all that is over, now
yet, it all flows into one
into me
the moon is but a reflection of myself
and in it,
I am never deceived
I have not lost love...

- April 16, 1984, A.D.

Sunday

The Noose


"I sold my soul to love you"
you say

but I know you sold nothing
you gave me nothing
and held on to me 
like a noose around a dead man's neck
an innocent man

And even now I am not free
you wanted me to rot
you wanted me to hurt 
like you

I could never hurt
when I saw you like a pitiful rodent
trying to bring me down with you

Precisely what I did to you 
was nothing
this, you would never admit

I never knew you
I was aware of the little world you had created
in your mind
I was aware that I was a player on your stage
but unaware that when I walked away,
I would feel the tight grip of your choker-chain,
cutting off my air
forcing me back towards you

you wanted me
in the palm of your sweaty hand

I saw it as a fool's power-trip
now, as a madman's

I don't know what it was,
but you sold your soul to something
long before we met

I never believed that such a pathetic creature as you
could do so much damage
but you have left me barren

They have locked you in your room
but what can they do for me?
my life is barely existence
I have forgotten what reality means

Tonight, I'm getting you out of my closet
and fitting you right
and hanging you straight
the wooden beam in the ceiling should hold

I'll kick away the chair, now
and again fall victim to your grip
but this time, no resistance
and he who will succumb to your destruction
is forever
an innocent man

- April 8, 1984, A.D.