We Went Cold

Somewhere inside of him, he went cold

then something inside of me went cold in turn

so much for the Xmas present

so much for the ambiguous lifestyle

so much for the self-hatred

insecurity

and extra appendage

so much...

and all for what?

and all as a cause of what?

lost in a timeless dilemma,

it's done over and over again

it takes a particular type of strength

which I wasn't willing to produce

I need myself

I need my friends

but I don't need this

so I didn't take it

causes -

there are so many causes

why I was cold

why I drew back

why I let him see it and waited for him 

to say it

maybe he's jealous of my relationship with Emerson

or maybe...

or maybe...

there's no answer

there aren't even questions

so why search so hard into emotions?

it's all laid out before our eyes

if I wanted, I could build the bridge back up

but in all honesty, I don't want to

it's winter, now

time to be with myself

time to hibernate, 

alone, with pure thoughts

life is a struggle, but living is easy

and it's time to move on...

- Dec. 2, 1983, A.D.