The Floodgates

I can't stand to be with him

for we have barriers

I have barriers

He has barriers

and I have endless notations in my mind

instead of love

And in the dark

we hold each other

we clench fiercely

and make love

for here, we believe we can find

what we have lost

but in the light, 

we are blank faces

I can't hide in the light!

I can't cover up my fears

I must fight

to look so indifferent

I must pull at my cheeks

for an occasional smile

I must turn away with my eyes

just before they conjure water

because I can't talk -

I'm so afraid of what the truth might be

I can't tell him 

that I'm so confused

There's too much water

pushing against this 

battered dam

why have I been holding out?

when there could be so much love

I must release the pain

in order to relieve the pressure. . .

Floodgate 1:

A father with a mind to my failure

he has never believed in my dreams

telling me I'm wrong

Am I wrong?

Was I wrong from the start?

Will I be wrong again?

Floodgate 2:

A self-centered poet

who wants herself more than anything else

who has devoted her life to love

who talks of pain,

but who cannot stand to feel it

who talks of love,

but who cannot stand to feel it

Floodgate 3:

A set of ideas

of what a person should be 

that would stop the love

if it could

that would make me wait

for no less than a god

Floodgate 4:

A lover who I love

but who falls short of the mark

who has no words to love me by

who's so discreet when people are around

that I sometimes wonder. . .

Floodgate 5:

A need I have

to share and to receive

that the public may know it

that world may know it

a need I have 

for some devotion

Floodgate 6:

A necessity for attention, sacrifice,

that primordial touch

and an understanding of love.

Now that the floodgates are known,

let them open, and release the river

so I can claw my way 

to solid ground. . .

- Jan. 4, 1986, A.D.