Slaughterer, Reformed

Sometime, if you want, I'll give you the chance

I'll show you the crime I've committed

I'll show you one of the best friendships ever

slaughtered, by the hands of two amateurs

who let lies form a cloud between them

Sometime, if you want, if you give me the chance

I'll show you, step-by-step, the process

I'll re-enact it so well you'll see the blood on my hands

and feel the wound in your heart

as though you were my victim

Look down!  You, too, will see the blood on your hands

and I'll show you the process of lying

Or sometime, if you ask, if it's what you want

I'll show you the prevention

I'll teach you to fight off the dragon of Falsehood

and help you prevent such nightmares as I've seen

if you ask me, I'll save you from committing a murder

and any blood spilled on you 

will wash clean

- Jan. 13, 1985, A.D.

Quotes from "Illusions", by Richard Bach

You are never given a wish without being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however. 

---

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours. 

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If you will practice being fictional for a while, you will understand that fictional characters are sometimes more real than people with bodies and heartbeats. 

---

The world is your exercise-book, the pages on which you do your sums.
It is not reality, although you can express reality there if you wish. You are also free to write nonsense, or lies, or to tear the pages. 

---

Every person, all the events of your life, are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you. 

---

In order to live free and happily, you must sacrifice boredom. It is not always an easy sacrifice. 

---

The best way to avoid responsibility is to say, "I've got responsibilities." 

---

The truth you speak has no past and no future. It is, and that's all it needs to be. 

---

Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you're alive, it isn't. 

Shy Hellos

Yeah, I saw you once, out of the corner of my eye

you passed me -

I smiled -

you walked on by

six months ago, we would have talked all night

you should have stopped me to say hi

Yeah, I saw you at a party the other night

I passed you -

you smiled -

I walked on by

six months ago, we were together all the time

now, I can't look you in the eye

There's nothing we can do, we cannot speak

There is no road to truth, the channels break

There is no lead to light, it seems too late

Only time will judge old friends' and lovers' fate

Now, we've forgotten all the hateful lies

I greeted you -

you smiled -

and then said hi

six months from now, perhaps we'll bring to life

more shy hellos and less goodbyes

- Jan. 9, 1985, A.D.

The Only Gift

I want to give you something

but it's not as easy as just walking

to the store and buying it;

it requires some thought

and some feeling

I don't want to buy a record or a poster

or a book

I want to give you a part of me -

but I can't figure out which part that is

It seems like in all the time we've 

known each other,

there was never really an answer

who am I to you?

who are you to me?

I would like to tell you

but I don't even know

I know nothing but a feeling

I've been attached to you

since the first day I saw you

sometimes, things are revealed about the soul

more accurately when we are silent;

Before you ever spoke,

I was attached

I want to tell you more,

but I cannot place the feeling

what little we know of each other 

means all the world to me

in some strange, indefinable sense of the word,

I do love you

I would explain further,

but I haven't got a clue of how I 

came to this feeling;

Yet I am not wrong,

and it seems that I have always

felt this way.

Like two people in a room who think

they are being spied on,

we never exactly told the truth

I was so sure that something dangerous would happen 

if I revealed myself

now, I can only wonder where time ran off to,

when we could have talked to each other

So today, I am giving you this,

the truth -

or as close as I can come to it

because I don't want you to leave,

thinking something of me which is

entirely untrue

You couldn't have meant more to me

in the time that we had

and under the conditions which existed

And if there is a future for us,

I will try to help make it a good one

Or if we go our separate ways,

please understand that I'll never 

forget you

Not in a million years would I forget you...

- Jan. 9, 1985, A.D.

Not One Of Us, by Peter Gabriel (lyrics)

It's only water
In a stranger's tear
Looks are deceptive
But distinctions are clear
A foreign body
And a foreign mind
Never welcome
In the land of the blind
You may look like we do
Talk like we do
But you know how it is

You're not one of us
Not one of us
No you're not one of us
Not one of us
Not one of us
No you're not one of us

There's safety in numbers
When you learn to divide
How can we be in
If there is no outside
All shades of opinion
Feed an open mind
But your values are twisted
Let us help you unwind
You may look like we do
Talk like we do
-But you know how it is

You're not one of us
Not one of us
No you're not one of us

(1980)

(copied into 1985 notebook)

Them Heavy People, by Kate Bush (lyrics)

Rolling the ball, rolling the ball, rolling the ball to me. 
Rolling the ball, rolling the ball, rolling the ball to me. 

They arrived at an inconvenient time. 
I was hiding in a room in my mind. 
They made me look at myself. I saw it well. 
I'd shut the people out of my life. 

So now I take the opportunities: 
Wonderful teachers ready to teach me. 
I must work on my mind. For now I realise: 
Everyone of us has a heaven inside. 

Them heavy people hit me in a soft spot. 
Them heavy people help me. 
Them heavy people hit me in a soft spot. 
Rolling the ball, rolling the ball, rolling the ball to me. 

They open doorways that I thought were shut for good. 
They read me Gurdjieff and Jesu. 
They build up my body, break me emotionally. 
It's nearly killing me, but what a lovely feeling! 

I love the whirling of the dervishes. 
I love the beauty of rare innocence. 
You don't need no crystal ball, 
Don't fall for a magic wand. 
We humans got it all, we perform the miracles. 

Them heavy people hit me in a soft spot. 
Them heavy people help me. 
Them heavy people hit me in a soft spot. 
Rolling the ball, rolling the ball, rolling the ball to me. 
Rolling the ball, rolling the ball, rolling the ball to me. 
Rolling the ball, rolling the ball... 

(1978)

(copied into 1985 notebook)

Tracks, by Gary Numan (lyrics)

Where are the tracks?

Where are the lines?

Where are the tracks?

Where is the time?

You were so cold

You were so slow

And we were so old

And we were unsure.

And I want your lines

And I want your time

And I want your face

And you can have mine.

(1979)

(copied into 1985 notebook)