Hesitant Vulture

Oh yeah

it's gonna hit me in one blinding flash

Oh yeah

I'm gonna know when the precise moment comes

Bullshit

I cannot guess what to say or when to say it

That damn ice age --

could it still be with me?

I can't find the answer in a poem

or an essay by Emerson

or a dream

or a desire

or a tarot card

or in me

I can't find the answer in The Other

The future has come

and I'm lost

and I'm anxious

and in one quick conversation,

an entire dream could be shot down

In an instant

I am vulnerable

two weeks could distract or attract

or perhaps the answer has always been known

perhaps it is waiting for me

I will resort to complete honesty

I will speak of myself as myself

I won't prolong myself to another day

Hesitant vulture

waiting for the right hour

for the perfect piece of meat

this meat may be hard to get

but the mountain I climbed for the view

was much harder

I will be myself

I will sustain

I may survive. . .

- Aug. 28, 1985, A.D.