Death -
so close to me
yet such a stranger -
takes a long, thin, white finger
and draws an invisible line down my back,
touching off each nerve along the way
It's cold
I flinch
yet somehow it invigorates me
I won't look back,
nor can I
Although death whispers to me,
I tease her
letting her come close enough to touch -
but not grasp -
any part of me
as long as there is the space there
to laugh,
I know I'm safe
In my dreams,
she nears closer,
but awake, I hold strong
against her;
not fearful,
only amused
But death has other plans for me, yet
she also laughs
Every once in a while, we sit down in a
smoke-filled room
and play poker
and joke that the winner takes
my life
but death is a terrible poker player
I never worry
There was a time, once,
when I confronted death
I told her that she might as well
have me, now
she told me,
honestly,
she didn't want to see it happen
our games together had been
too much fun
she talked me out of it
sometimes, even she is reasonable
Death holds no secrets from me
and there are no surprises
when she wants me, I will go
I can't argue, when she's let me come this far
Some say they are ruled by faith
or hope
or high ideals
but I am the best friend of death
she is a gray and awesome woman
and knows things that I should never
hope to know
but she provides the life in me
When she holds out her hand,
I will take it
I will trust her judgement
and when she finally calls my name,
I will follow...
- Jan. 17, 1984, A.D.
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